Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Crying in the shower

When I was a little girl and upset about something, my mom made me go take a shower. It didn't take long before I understood the method to her madness...I ALWAYS felt better after a good, hot shower. In fact, as a teenager it would make me even angier when she said "Go take a shower!" because I recognized it as an attempt to defuse the situation.

It would be many more years before I realized there were other benefits to taking a long, hot shower when I am upset. Once the children were old enough not to need my undivided attention showers were an escape. I could usually go there and not be disturbed - usually.

Soon I realized that nobody seemed to noticed if I had been crying while in the shower. The sound of the water masked my sobs and the shower's heat made my face red so it wasn't obvious that my cheeks were tear-stained. The very nature of the shower disguised the tell-tale signs of a crying jag.

Over the next several years I would employ the "I need to go take a shower" escape whenever I felt the need to step back from the realities of my marriage and the stressors of family. I would retreat to the solace of the flowing water to wash away that stress and the tears.

To this day I cry in the shower whenever I need to - without shame - without caring if anyone hears me. I've learned that keeping the tears inside does far more damage then letting somone know you are upset enough to cry.