Dear Email Spammers,
There are a few things you need to consider when sending your BS emails to me:
1) I am a straight female and, therefore, have no reason to "turn her on tonight"nor do I need your "penis enlargement" products.
2) I am not a "senior" hence I do not require any memberships or social/dating groups which cater to people "of a certain age". Similarly, I am definitely not yet eligible for Medicare or AARP.
3) As previously stated in #2 I am not yet in the category of those who may require a "scooter" or other motorized chair - thanks.
4) As a female I am not seeking a bride of any nationality - not Russian, Chinese or Latin whether they are "hot" or not.
5) I do NOT own a timeshare.
6) Golf is not my thing...never has been.
7) Although, (as previously discussed) I am not a "senior," I am also not a teenager and have no need for Proactiv, or any other "acne solutions". It would have been nice if they'd been around when I actually did need them however.
8) I have no need for "V.DiCarlo" or his "Dating Secrets"...thank you very much.
9) Just because it's February does not mean you can try to shame me into purchasing some quasi-romantic gift for my "special someone"...not even by sending me a dozen ads each day. Nope. Not gonna work.
10) If your "miracle" product was truly a miracle...why do I have to read about it in an unsolicited email?
11) Should I decide to seek out cosmetic procedures of any kind, you can rest assured I will not begin my research with your email titled "Anti-aging secret" or "Look Younger NOW"
12) This is not my first rodeo - I know you are not a Prince in need of my assistance to gain access to your fortune. Seriously, go away.
13) I'd love to know who told you I snore? HUH?! Who was it? I'll kill 'em!