What If...

Do you ever play the "What if..." game? You know...the one where you think about the choices you've made, the decisions that led you to where you are today - and what might change if you could go back and choose differently?! That game.

I do...all the time. The problem is...I can't seem to figure out how to keep the "good parts" while altering the parts that I wish hadn't happened...the proverbial "bad parts."

It is impossible to create a scenario that eliminates the "bad" without also taking away the best parts of me - my babies. They are the only part of the "bad" that is...good.

If I remove that part of the equation it can be an exciting game: What if I'd stayed home that night? What if I hadn't broken up with him? What if I'd insisted on staying in college when I was 18? What if I had recognized abuse when it first reared it's ugly head? What if I'd walked away instead of getting married so early, so young? What if....?