During recent visits to the farthest reaches of my memory I learned something about myself. The mistakes I make, the quirks in my personality, the things that drive me crazy....have *always* been there. Time has not managed to erase or alter much of what has been the essence of "me" since the moment I was created. Which is, I supposed, not a bad thing in and of itself. At least I'm consistent right?
These strolls down Memory Lane have also stirred up some things - both good and not-so-good (mostly good though). It's funny to realize that the reason I say a certain thing or like a certain song is rooted in an event from 25 years ago - that while nothing has stayed the same...nothing has really changed.
One of my favorite sayings goes like this: "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same."
By taking inventory of the people that have come into my life I can easily label them as "quick goers" or "footprint leavers". It's not a difficult thing to determine. People either make a lasting impression upon us, or they don't. Those that make the deepest most indelible marks are the ones that don't realize what they are doing - these are the people we need to cherish and hold dear always.
Here's the trillion dollar question: If you could go back in time and change one thing what would it be? This little game of "what if..." is one that I've played many times within the confines of my thoughts. It's an interesting thought isn't it? Would we do things differently if we really could travel back? Of course, I'd like to ensure that I get to keep my current level of knowledge and information intact during this momentous journey - what good would it be to go back and have the exact same set of facts? I used to think I knew exactly what I would change - now, I'm not so sure.
It's the proverbial "If I only knew then what I know now" situation. The bottom line is that we can't travel back in time - we have travelled forward to the here and now and we must continue on a forward path. We've all made our choices and we've suffered (or enjoyed) the consequences. We have been wounded and done our best to heal. We daily tend the scars left by the battles we've fought. Often we are picking up pieces of ourselves and reattaching them in the best way we know how.
Revisiting myself as a young girl (via diaries, photos and conversations with an old friend) has been a journey of gratitude. The make up of my inner circle has not changed much in the past 25 years (neither has my hand writing for that matter), I still worry about the same things and I'm still wrong most of the time :) I am grateful for this insight into what makes me tick. The Universe saw fit to place a mirror of self-rediscovery infront of me in the form of an old friend...even as I hurled angry questions toward the very source of this gift, this gratitude. Like it says above: some people come into our lives...leave footprints on our hearts...and we are never, ever the same.